Cooking May be a Dish-Dirtying Elder-Beast, but Washing Them is a Fantastic Way to Lose Weight!

Photo by Izzie R on Unsplash

The next time you find yourself elbow deep in the unending scrubfest required to keep ahead of a healthy kitchen, be sure to take a moment and give thanks for the gift you’ve just been given.

No, seriously.

The scalded prunes you once called hands are the manna from heaven that you hadn’t even realized you so desperately needed.

See, despite all your strength of will and the strict healthy eating habits you maintain, there is no escaping the kraken which lurks under the surface;

If you stray from the path on your weight-loss journey, it can and will set you back months, possibly years, of progress.

I am the proof of this.

Washing dishes is a lot of work. The upside hidden within your foaming basin is this: Washing dishes is always a lot of work.

And by a lot, I mean three hundred calories or more* if you’re willing to roll up your sleeves and do them by hand as I do.

Three hundred calories is three miles of walking. At a brisk pace that would take an hour. I can tell you right now that there exists no willpower strong enough to get me out the door for an hour during winter.

Plus, think of all the freedom you’ve gained just by engaging in sponge-fu against the vegetable casserole remnants stuck to your baking tray!

You have carte blanche to do practically anything while you work. Crank up the volume on your favorite music, shake your booty, and engage in some faucet karaoke!

What are the other people in the house going to do, complain? So they can be voluntold to take your spot at the hot-water alter? Most people would rather scrape the barnacles off an aircraft carrier than do a load of dishes by hand.

There’s you, king of the dish-soap castle, jamming along as you scrub the grime off your plates and three hundred calories off your frame.

While I love talking about the Elder Soap Deities and their bubble-encrusted throne, the hard truth is that weight loss requires you to fight an uphill battle against your own body.

Therefore, every time life presents you with a new opportunity to turn a necessary task into a workout, you have to grab hold with both hands and refuse to let go.

So the next time you make one mell of a hess steaming broccoli and potatoes and chicken and whatever else you could fit into your pressure cooker, be the first to volunteer as tribute to the stygian embrace of your sudsy overlords.


The Unsheathed Quill

*Calories burned is dependent on several factors: Weight, age, general level of activity, etc. At my weight, 248.4 pounds as of this morning, I would burn closer to 350 calories for half an hour of washing dishes by hand. That number is fairly conservative on both the time required and the calories burned. In comparison, a male at 150 pounds would burn closer to 120 calories for the same activity. Washing dishes is such an excellent workout because it helps you burn more calories at the upper end of the charts where it’s needed most! Plus, they have to get done anyway and it’s a great way to score brownie points!

The Quill is the brain-child of Justin Wallace, an author, producer of podcasts, DM to an unruly crew, and nerd with a family of more other different nerds.

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